Resolving Everyday Conflicts Series - Get Together

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Get Together

1. The Root of Conflict: Anger and Priority (Matthew 5:21-26)

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus elevates the standard of the Law, demonstrating that conflict begins not with an action but with an attitude.

• Anger is as Serious as Murder: Jesus says that being angry with a brother or sister is subject to judgment, just like murder. Calling someone contemptuous names like "fool" or "Raca" (an expression of contempt) can make one "liable to the hell of fire" (v. 22). This shows that the inner attitude of hostility is what God judges, not just the outward act of violence.

• Urgency of Reconciliation: Jesus illustrates the priority of reconciliation over worship. If you are about to offer a gift at the altar and remember that your brother has something against you, you must "leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift" (v. 23-24). This teaches that a relationship with God is hindered by unresolved conflict with others.

• Quick Action: The passage urges followers to "come to terms quickly with your accuser" (v. 25), emphasizing that prompt resolution prevents matters from escalating and incurring greater consequences.

• Unresolved anger/conflict can quickly destroy unity, the call here to leave your sacrifice tells us how serious God sees it. What thought do you have when you hear God is saying ‘don’t come worship me if you have unresolved issues with another’?

• Being reconciled involves both parties working together to see a good outcome. What has been your experience with resolving conflict? Did both parties feel good at the end?

• Have you been involved in a situation where unresolved conflict had serious effects on a church? What was it like for you?

2. The Pattern for Resolution: God's Forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32)

Ephesians 4:32 provides the ultimate motivation and pattern for Christian conduct, particularly in resolving conflict.

• Putting Off Sinful Behaviour: The verses immediately preceding this one (v. 31) command believers to "let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and slander be put away from you, along with all malice." This is the negative action—what we must remove from our lives.

• Putting On Christ-like Behaviour: Verse 32 is the positive command: "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another," which forms the foundation for healthy resolution.

• The Model for Forgiveness: The motivation for our forgiveness is God's forgiveness toward us: "just as God in Christ forgave you." Our ability and obligation to forgive others is directly linked to the immense, undeserved grace we have received from God. This provides the power and perspective needed to let go of grudges and resentment.

• Be kind, tender-hearted, how can we do this when in conflict? What steps can you take to not be the opposite of what is called for?

3. The Motivation for Forgiveness: The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:23-35)

This parable, told in the context of Jesus' teaching on church discipline (v. 15-22), reveals the boundless nature and grave necessity of forgiveness.

• The Great Debt: The first servant owed the king an astronomical sum—a debt so large it was impossible to repay. The king, showing compassion, forgave him that entire debt (v. 27). This debt represents our immeasurable sin against God and the total forgiveness we receive through Christ.

• The Small Debt and Unforgiveness: The first servant, immediately after being forgiven his impossible debt, refused to forgive a fellow servant who owed him a comparatively small amount (v. 28-30). This illustrates the hypocrisy and moral blindness of those who accept God's boundless grace but refuse to extend grace to others.

• The Consequence: The unforgiving servant was handed over to the jailers "until he should pay back all he owed" (v. 34). Jesus concludes with the warning: "So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart" (v. 35). This doesn't mean we earn our salvation by forgiving, but that an unforgiving heart reveals a heart that has not truly grasped or received the magnitude of God's forgiveness and therefore remains outside of His kingdom's character. Forgiveness is not optional; it is the proof that we have been forgiven.

• How we treat others is how God will treat us, this is Jesus’ message in a nut shell, how do you respond to this reality how does it impact how you deal with conflict and disagreements?

• Does forgiving someone mean we need to accept their behaviour? How do we respond to continuing bad behaviour after we have forgiven them?

• What do we do if one party does not wish to engage in any resolution process?

Study Summary: Principles for Conflict Resolution

Passage	Focus	Key Action/Principle
Matthew 5:21-26	The Heart and Priority	Take Initiative: Address anger in your heart; prioritize reconciliation before worship/devotion. Act Quickly to prevent escalation.
Ephesians 4:32	The Pattern and Motivation	Forgive as God Forgave: Be kind, tender-hearted, and forgive others because God's forgiveness in Christ is your standard and power.
Matthew 18:23-35	The Necessity and Extent	Forgive Boundlessly (from the Heart): Reflect on the enormous debt God has forgiven you; your forgiveness of others should be a reflection of that grace.