Resolving Everyday Conflicts Series - Get Real About Ourselves (Week 3)
- Grant Watts
- Nov 9
- 3 min read
Get Real About Ourselves
Matthew 7:1-7
7 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
6 “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.
7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
James 4:1-2
4 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.
These two passages offer a powerful two-pronged approach to understanding and resolving conflict:
Matthew 7:1-5: The Problem of Hypocritical Judgment
The human tendency to focus on others' faults while ignoring our own, is a significant source of conflict.
Warning Against Condemnation (v. 1-2): "Judge not, that you be not judged." Jesus is primarily warning against a condemnatory, self-righteous, and hypocritical spirit, not all forms of discernment or necessary accountability. The standard you use to judge others will be applied to you.
How quickly do you judge before all the fact/information are known?
The Log and the Speck (v. 3-5): This vivid metaphor highlights hypocrisy. A person with a "log" (major fault/sin) in their own eye is unqualified to help another with a "speck" (minor fault) in theirs.
Application to Conflict: Conflict often begins when one party is quick to point out the perceived fault in the other without first examining their own heart, actions, or contribution to the problem. Jesus commands self-correction first. First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. This humility and clear vision are essential for constructive conversation and conflict resolution.
Logs or blind spots are those things in our lives we don’t see of are unaware of, how do you think we can see our logs better?
James 4:1-2: The Root Cause of Conflict
James directly addresses the source of quarrels and fights, tracing them back to internal desires and passions.
The Source is Internal (v. 1): "What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?" James reveals that external conflicts (fights, wars, quarrels) originate from selfish internal desires ("passions" or "lusts") that are fighting for satisfaction within the individual.
Unsatisfied Desires Lead to Sin (v. 2): "You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel." When our selfish desires are frustrated, they produce sinful actions—from envy and bitterness to "fighting and quarrelling." This highlights that conflict is not just about opposing external views, but about two or more people whose self-centred desires clash.
Passage | Focus | Application to Conflict |
Matthew 7:1-5 | Attitude | Check your heart before confronting. Address your own sin/contribution to the conflict first with humility. Avoid self-righteous condemnation. |
James 4:1-2 | Root Cause | Identify the core issue: Are you fighting because a selfish desire (e.g., control, approval, comfort) is being frustrated? Conflict must be addressed at the level of self-centred desire. |
Together, these verses teach that resolving conflict requires humility (Matthew 7:5) and self-examination (James 4:1). We must address the "log" of selfish desire and judgmentalism in our own lives before attempting to help a brother or sister with their "speck.
What ways can you think of to check our attitude and be humble?
What can we do to check our desires and sins that lead to conflict?